In my journey through Ayurveda, I’ve come to learn the difference between my Ayurvedic practice vs. my yogic practice. Yoga brings spiritual enlightenment, whereas Ayurveda brings health. You need both to live a happy life.
One of my favorite yoga teachers encourages the group to attempt a headstand every Wednesday. In the first couple of months taking her class, I skipped the headstand entirely or hung out in Dolphin pose. I was afraid of the pose, convinced that I would hurt my neck or make a fool of myself. Most people feel this way about inversions. But as they say in yoga, the pose you fear the most may be the one you need the most.
Eventually, I made the effort to try my teacher’s suggested drills by walking my feet up, lifting one foot then switching to the other etc. In the past week, I finally attempted total inversion. The first time I was fully inverted(against a wall of course), I felt such a rush of joy through my heart chakra. I felt a “dumping” sensation of my energy, as prana traveled from my lower chakras to my crown. It was super healing, and since then I’ve felt lighter in my heart and mind.
Today at my wife’s yoga studio, I had a moment when my heart told me that it was time for an inversion. The teacher had not planned on an inversion, but did ask us to hang out in Dolphin’s pose. While in Dolphin’s pose, she walked by me and asked “Do you want to do an inversion?” The tone of her voice conveyed curiosity, as if she picked up on my energy and the movement desired by my body. I realized that yes, my body was taking me there bit by bit.
She moved to my side as I lifted a leg up. I was going to attempt full headstand with no wall or supports. But as my right leg rose, I felt her hand on my knee and she said “I am here for you.” The impact of her words and intention was felt by my heart and my body immediately. I knew to place the weight of my calf in her hand. I used her hand to push myself up with ease. I was unsteady right away, and panic crept into my throat. I had the urge to swing my legs down. She refused to let me go. With her encouragement, I gathered some confidence and I was able to hold the pose for a few more breaths.
The spiritual footprint this experience left on my mind and body was unmistakeable. To hear the words “I am here for you,” and to trust the real intention behind that was a big deal for someone like me. I have trouble trusting even those closest to me. She offered support, and I accepted. My teacher kept her word, and did not let me fall. I was uplifted during my attempt to overcome my fears.
Healing can often come from simple gestures. With 5 words, this teacher gave me permission to trust. Trusting someone to help me into an inversion built emotional resiliency. Growing into adulthood, I had developed hyper-independence as a trauma response. Sometimes the hyper-independence made me feel strong, other times totally alone and helpless. I hope to expand my sense of trust and learn to let life play itself out without the grip of fear.
Om Namah Shivaya
araw araw 