I was recently lent a book of this title by Abbi Jacobson(from a coworker who remembered that I am a Broad City fan) that I have always wanted to read and the univerese was like here ya go!
What struck me today was Abbi’s search for that creative spark, as a coping mechanism to the end of Broad City. What is there to do when a project ends, but to start another?
I think I have lost touch with my “project.” I’ve been alone for weeks, not seeing anyone outside my wife(and my family once or twice). Nursing has become utterly surreal. I have not worn scrubs. I have not used my blood pressure cuff(although I did use my stethoscope once to check my nephew’s heart rate; we are expecting my sister-in-law to give birth any day now).
I have watched videos of nasogastric tubes, and have yet to hold one, and practice on a mannequin. I have participated in online lectures, and countless zoom meetings with my professor.
Our gastrointestinal unit totally took away my inspiration. Who wants to sit and read about the meaning behind different colors of poop for hours on end and “critically think” about it. It was a real wake up call for me to have that moment of honestly with myself. This is not fun!!!!! It is not fun. I am not inspired to answer the call of duty and save the day as the nurse. No exciting story ever began with “so I had a patient come in for severe diarrhea.”
I know this shit is important, pun intended, and that I should really learn the theory and principles behind GI nursing care. I got B on the exam.
But now it is time for me to touch that creative spark again. To feel that sense of adventure, knowing that what I am reading will one day be the reason I bettered a person’s life. It really is a thrill for me. I believe that my purpose in life is to serve earthlings, through veganism and nursing.
I felt this thrill when I performed a physical assessment on a TBI patient during one of my clinical rotations. I have quickly learned that as LPN’s, we ARE the eyes and ears. Other health care professions(including other nursing staff: CNA’s and RN’s) will be depending on our heightened assessment skills to gather raw data for nursing care.
This particular young man’s life was transformed by an anoxic brain injury from a drug overdose and had no ability to see me, or to walk on his own. He was a charming Leo, and used humor to cope. We bonded over that, and making him laugh became part of my therapeutic nursing care. I felt connected with my purpose when I found myself kneeling on the floor, putting lotion on his legs and feet while assessing him.
I was in no way expected to actually provide nursing care during my clinical rotations. It was strictly for assessment skills. But it was a natural instinct for me to do something. I noticed that his feet were dry and asked his one-to-one CNA for lotion(he was at risk for self harm). She watched me and said “wow I didn’t think to do that.” My clinical instructor walked in as I was caring for him and I would like to think we shared a look of camaraderie as healers.
So here I am, reconnecting with the creative spark I need in my life. This book by Abbi Jacobson is a much needed break from the humdrum of nursing textbooks.
A lot of it has to do with how much I relate to Abbi and Ilana on Broad City. I am clearly Abbi, and my wife Moriah is obviously Ilana. Our life may not be as wild as the show but it sure feels like it. All of the structural elements that make my life amazing is here. I’ve been married to my best friend for almost 5 years now, and my life with her becomes more exciting every year. I have two feline sons and a wild little bunny that I care for. The home that Moriah and I have cultivated continues to be an inspiring den where we can be our truest selves: dreamy and ape-like. The life that we are building together continues to be a fantasy-fueled escapade.
When I sit still and enjoy a moment of gratitude, the dark clouds in my mind dissipate and I feel in touch with my purpose and joy. I am taken out of my bliss when I allow fears to creep in: about money, failure, and potential crises.
I have about a month before I take the NCLEX-PN. I am reaching out to all of my guides and ancestors for help. Please send me love! Help me trust in the divine timing of the Universe.
araw araw 